Girl, Let That Go: Why You Don’t Need to Forgive to Move On

The Myth of Forgiveness in Healing

We’ve all heard it before: “You have to forgive to heal.” But what if that’s not true? What if forcing yourself to forgive someone who deeply hurt you only adds to your suffering? The idea that forgiveness is a necessary step toward emotional freedom has been ingrained in us by society, religion, and even psychology. But real healing isn’t about making peace with the person who wronged you—it’s about making peace with yourself.

The Power of Releasing Without Forgiving

Letting go doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. It doesn’t mean allowing toxic people back into your life or pretending something never happened. It means refusing to carry the weight of that pain any longer. Studies suggest that while forgiveness can have benefits, it’s not the only path to emotional well-being. In fact, research shows that simply choosing to let go of resentment—without forcing forgiveness—can lead to lower stress levels, improved mental health, and greater life satisfaction.

According to a 2019 study published in The Journal of Behavioral Medicine, people who practice emotional detachment from past grievances experience similar reductions in anxiety and depression as those who actively forgive. This means that choosing to release pain—without forgiving the offender—can still lead to healing.

Why Some Wounds Can’t (and Shouldn’t) Be Forgiven

For some, the harm done is too great to justify forgiveness. Survivors of abuse, betrayal, or deep emotional wounds may feel pressured to forgive in order to “move on,” but doing so prematurely can cause more harm than good. Studies indicate that forcing forgiveness before someone is ready (or when they simply don’t want to) can lead to unresolved anger, suppressed emotions, and even PTSD symptoms.

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a clinical psychologist and author of How Can I Forgive You?, argues that forgiveness isn’t necessary for healing. Instead, she suggests an alternative: acceptance and release. “You don’t have to forgive someone to reclaim your life,” she explains. “You just have to let go of the hold that resentment has over you.”

How to Let Go Without Forgiving

1. Acknowledge Your Pain – Give yourself permission to feel hurt without judgment. Your emotions are valid.

2. Shift the Focus Back to You – Instead of replaying the wrongs, focus on what you need to feel at peace.

3. Set Boundaries – Cut off or limit contact with those who have harmed you if needed. Protecting your energy is a form of self-care.

4. Rewrite the Narrative – Instead of feeling like a victim, reframe the experience as one that made you stronger.

5. Practice Emotional Release – Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or meditation, find ways to process and release pain without forcing forgiveness.

   
   

Final Thoughts: Choose Your Own Healing Path

Forgiveness is often framed as the ultimate form of healing, but that’s not always the case. You are allowed to heal in the way that feels right for you—even if that means walking away without forgiving. The most important thing isn’t making peace with those who hurt you; it’s making peace with yourself.

So, let that go. Not for them, but for you.